Revelling in Imperfection
Do you feel trapped in perfectionism, or the need to make sure everything is in its right place before you can start living?
I’ve worked to reject the concept of perfection, and to become curious about difficult situations, which has helped me hugely. A friend I was talking to about this thought that these thoughts might help others may be similarly stuck outside the present, and encouraged me to share my thoughts…
I want to tell you how I went from finding it hard to leave my flat unless I felt that everything was “just so” to what I now call revelling in imperfection.
It was 2007. I was working in private equity in the City, and living in a typical bankers flat on Limehouse Marina in east London. I was single, lived alone, and was consumed by my work. I’ve learned to love the person I was but, looking back, I’m pleased that some kind people came into my life around that time and shared wisdoms that I was open to learning. I certainly needed them.
Back in 2007 I’ll just tell you that things came to a head (literally, my head felt ready to explode) when I found myself standing in front of my open fridge, on autopilot, calculating and re-calculating the most efficient layout for the food and drink in the fridge. I was compulsively obsessed with efficiency, and my brain was overloaded at that point. I was lost in the matrix, without a north star to guide me out.
I knew enough to get therapy, which is what I did, on my own, without telling anyone.
Years later, sometime in 2018, my head at least was poking furtively out of the matrix! I didn’t work for the man, and had started something of my own, with someone I love and trust. I think this gave me the mental freedom so see the first patterns of light. Part of the code of life was revealing itself to me. A mantra came to me from somewhere: I am comfortable in the imperfect.
Life was actually far from perfect at that time with two young kids and a fund to raise, but I had come to the realisation that when things are out of sync, not “just so” or perfect, something important could be happening. I went with it. At the age of 40, for the first time in my career, I had a strong suspicion that I could be finally on the right path, even though all around me was less perfection or order than at anytime previously in my adult life.
As this feeling of awakening grew inside me, I found a simple truth: there is no perfect. This life is absolutely and gloriously imperfect. Everything is less than 10/10. This dawned on me, and seemed to crack something I’d held onto, tightly, for so long. Once I had started, the damn was easy to burst, and I kept the curiosity going.
I now know what many others have discovered — that life is full of joy when revelling in imperfection.
This profound understanding has helped me when things don’t go to plan, or when things unexpectedly turn for the worse, as they often and inevitably do. This is not a fatalistic shrug — better luck next time but it was out of my control. Quite the opposite: I am pricking up my ears and leaning in when things aren’t going to plan. I’m trying to actively engage when things aren’t right.
These days when things are tough and the volume is loud, I no longer wrap myself in the blanket of OCD that distracts my mind from the difficulty in front of me. Instead I pause. I take a breath. I see the matrix right there and I remember that true life is utterly imperfect. At that point, I am open to the learning available in these situations.
For me this was a process:
Step 1: become curious about imperfect or difficult situations
Step 2: try to get comfortable with imperfection, expect it, almost look for it
Step 3: revel in imperfection — get excited when things appear to be most challenging, as this is where the good stuff is. This is actual life, in the present moment, where wisdoms lie waiting to be picked up.
I hope that this helps others who are chasing perfect rainbows that don’t exist.
